10 odd years ago when I married my
husband, I was convinced he was 'the One'. He was the One I felt
utterly safe to be my quirky self with. He was the One who seemed to
always have the answer to questions like, 'Where did I put my keys?'
Later, he was the One who held my hand during the births of our
children and also the One whose simple calming presence gave me
something strong to hold onto during some really tough times. He is
the One I want to call when one of the kids does something amazing and the One who has helped me put my day to bed for nigh on 15 years.
He is still all of those things, and I can't be thankful enough for
the person he is. But as the years of our relationship have worn on, I have noticed holes in the whole 'he's the one' theory. Quite early on in
our relationship, for instance, it became clear that he was not the
One who wanted to share riveting conversation with me at any given
hour of the day, nor was he the One who would share some of my
greatest passions--long walks, fancy food, and politics. Later on, I
learned (with considerable frustration) that he was not the
One to call when I needed an sympathetic ear about how long the baby
did or didn't sleep that day nor was he the One showing up with a cup
of coffee or a ready-made meal when I was at the end of my rope. And,
still he wasn't the One interested in riveting conversation, no
matter how my topics varied and changed over the years. But I'm here
today to tell you that he is not the One, but that is okay... And it is not only okay, it is
GREAT actually.
Because if he had been the One, I never
would have met some of the finest people I've ever had the pleasure
of knowing—people who LOVE to converse about everything from
politics to diapers. I would never have needed to find someone to
share my Tuesday walk-night with, a hobby that has become nothing
short of a life-line over the past few years. I never would have had
to challenge myself to sit with own thoughts sometimes rather than
succumbing to the verbal diarrhea that I am so prone to. I never
would have experienced the humility and honour of accepting those
ready-made meals and cups of coffee from people who were not bound by
a marriage contract to love and support me. AWESOME. It would never
have been necessary for me to re-frame my familial relationships into
the adult realm—a valuable and rewarding experience to say the
least. Not finding everything I need from the man within the four
walls of my home has pushed me to seek new experiences, new people,
and new direction. I am immeasurably thankful for all the ways in
which he is not the One.
I'm guessing he is pretty thankful for
this little revelation of mine too. It is a pretty ridiculous notion
after-all to expect one person to be all-things to you. In fact, I'm
sure I have seen the look of utter relief on his face when my phone
rings just as I am getting fired up for a political rant about
something or other. And on the flip side, I am sure I'm not 'the One'
for him either. I'm sure he's thrilled to have Tuesday nights by
himself to watch all those scary shows I never let him watch. I'm
sure as sugar not the One who shares his passion for sailing and who wants to
accompany him when he want gets his blood pumping on a windy-day. I'm
guessing I'm not the One who he most enjoys conversing with about the
ins and outs of his job and, sadly, I KNOW that I'm not the one who
gives him the quiet head-space he needs to put his own day to bed. But I
am hopeful that this is all as it should be...
No comments:
Post a Comment