An acquaintance of mine was telling a
story about how, as a member of a recent-immigrant resettlement
group, she volunteered to meet some newcomers at the airport as part
of a team that would assist with the details of their immediate
resettlement. She was surprised, and I would say unpleasantly so,
when the men in the newcomer group refused to shake hands with any of
the women who had come to greet them. There was a number of people
present at the time she was relaying this story, and the variety of
reactions that it elicited was quite fascinating...
One female quite strongly stated, “Well
they can turn around and get right back on that plane then.”
Another mused, “Maybe it is their custom not to shake hands with
members of the opposite sex?” Quite likely IMO, so I added,
“Surely, you don't expect people to leave their customs and culture
at the immigration desk.” Another suggested that perhaps the men
would react differently in a few years when they were more familiar
with Canadian customs. Interesting. What was clear to me anyway is
that a random sampling of assholes didn't get off a plane from
somewhere and decide to flex their misogynous muscles by not shaking
hands with women. No. There is some story of deeper culture here.
I'm happy to report that I have no
recollection of where these immigrants were coming from because it is
not my intention to encourage discourse or spread hate against any
group of people. The reason I share this story is to pose the same
question to you as has circled round and round in my head with
regards to this story...Are you really okay with difference?
Or otherwise stated, are you okay with real difference?
I ask this because I think often
culture, from an outsider's perspective, is characterized by surface
expressions such as food, language, or dress—all important aspects,
but, let's be honest, these are no-brainers in terms of acceptance.
You eat different food than me? Great, can I try some. I can observe
that you are dressed differently than me. Fine. You view gender roles
differently than me? Um... Your disciplinarian practices with your
children greatly differ from mine? Uh...
The following illustration captures so
poignantly what I am getting at:
Culture is SO much deeper than what we
eat or wear or even what language we speak. Real differences in
culture—stuff that might make you uncomfortable—is unlikely
relegated to extremist groups, and the devil's advocate in me, when
topics like this come up, wants to ask questions like...
Are you okay with men greeting women
differently than women?
Do you think that the ideology behind
such a practice might be further reaching? Are you okay if, say,
daily relations relations with wives and daughters are enacted
differently than you have come to expect in greater Canadian society?
What might an extension of the whole
not shaking hands thing look like in a workplace? Are you okay with
that?
How would it make you feel to know
other women condoned, expected, even celebrated these types of gender
relations?
How would you feel if similar
behaviors were expressed or encouraged in schools?
If 10 or 20 years down the road, these
types of cultural variations thrive (and I expect they will), how
would you feel about them entering the political arena, say if male
MP's refused to shake hands with female MP's? Or perhaps if Canadian
law began to reflect these types of practices?
An answer I get often when I ask these
sorts of questions is, “I'm okay with anything so long as it
doesn't affect me.” But to me if the whole no-hand-shaking story
tells us anything, it is that 'real differences' can, will, and DO
affect you. Are you okay with it???
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