The Chronic Fatigue Syndrome 'To-Don't' List
Don't stress about
the To-Do list—I've discovered an amazing little secret about to-do
lists...Nothing happens if you do not check off every item. The house does not
explode, the kids go on being kids, my friends still love me, and the world
keeps turning. If I don't happen to attend to this mountain of laundry or that stack of paperwork today, they are still waiting for me tomorrow. Occasionally if I hold out long enough, someone else in the house may even feel the need to help me out! No need to stress.
Don't say yes. Say
YES(!) or say no—Anyone experienced in living with Chronic Fatigue is
familiar with the dangers of not pacing yourself, of taking on too many things
and leaving too little time for rest. So, here's a little nugget of a
no-brainer...Say 'no' to anything that doesn't make you want to say an enthusiastic 'Yea!' Let's practice. Would I like to host a murder-mystery party for the
in-laws? No, thank you. Attend a Tupperware party with random acquaintances? Um, NO.
Would I like to dog-sit your 3 chihuahuas while you holiday in Spain? Sorry.
Front-row tickets to Garth Brooks? Hell YEA! Of course saying no isn't always
the easiest, but I'll put forth the argument that it is much easier than the
alternative.
Don't write a script
for your life when you are feeling low—I've been down this road a few
times. My symptoms reach crisis level, and my mind runs away with thoughts
like...If I feel like this, I'll never be able to hold my dream job. I'll
never be the mom I want to be. I won't be able to manage this project or that
issue. I'll be relegated to only functional activities forever. I'll never run
again. I'll never be the woman my husband fell in love with. My kids will
wonder why their mommy never played with them. I'll miss out on everything...and
on and on. But the reality is you have no idea what the future will look like
and even less control over it. For me, I have found this dialogue in my head to
be entirely false at times and certainly never helpful, so when this happens I
simply stop myself with the question, 'What can I do to help myself feel a
little better tomorrow?'
Don't fight your
illness. Coddle it—Maybe that sounds like bad advice, but I'm sure there's
some science to back it up. From experience, it seems the more I approach
Chronic Fatigue with metaphorical boxing gloves, declaring that I'm going to
beat it or do things to spite it, the more I find I suffer. The more effective
approach I've found is to approach the illness with kiddy gloves—that is, to
coddle the crap out of it. If I were speaking to my illness, I might say, 'Oh,
you want to go to bed at 8 tonight? Sure!' or 'You are blowing a shit fit about
tonight's PTA commitment? Let's stay home and watch Call the Midwife.’ or even ‘Oh, you
don’t like caffeine after 5 pm. How about wine? No? Popcorn? Nada. Fine. Avocado and quinoa salad it is.’ Perhaps that doesn't sound the most appealing sales pitch, but I promise
you the pay-off in terms of your health will be well worth it!
Of course your To-Don’t List will look a little different
than mine, but I do encourage you to make one. That feeling of desperately wanting to tick some tasks off your to-do list when your health is suffering is one every Chronic Fatigue sufferer is familiar with, and it is one that causes undue stress when you least need it. If you really must satisfy that 'ticking' need, at least start with list you have a fair chance at. Good Luck!
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